Before I Was Your Mom: How Much of Our Past Should Our Kids Know?
My partner and I were talking yesterday about our pasts. With a new baby almost here, we found ourselves reminiscing about the time before we both had children. We laughed about the mistakes we made and romanticized our freedom just a little bit.
All parents have a past — despite what our kids might believe. The time before.
Before kids.
Before bedtime routines.
Before parent-teacher conferences and setting a good example.
My own past is full of wildness and rebellion. I wasn’t what you would call demure prior to settling down into marriage and motherhood. I loved living — and so I lived. A lot.
I was young and pretty, single in the big city. The world was my glittery oyster.
During this conversation about past versus present us, a question surfaced:
How much of our past do we share with our children as they get older?
Do we owe them our full stories, warts and all — assuming they even want to know?
I’m of the belief that we don’t have to share all of who we were.
There are parts of my past I am deeply proud of — moments where I showed perseverance, ingenuity, and poise.
There are also moments that are embarrassing. Or downright shameful. Stories I don’t even want to revisit, much less retell over dinner one day.
When we’re children, our parents are naturally perfect in our eyes — assuming we’ve been lucky enough to have good ones. We see them as larger than life. We take our cues from them on how to navigate the world. They are our first example of adulthood.
And then we grow up.
At some point, every child realizes their parents are just people.
People who have flaws.
Who make mistakes.
Who sometimes make very bad decisions.
People who have a past.
So when it comes to knowing what to share — and what to gently tuck away — I think that’s deeply personal. What kind of relationship do you have? How much does your child really need to know to understand you?
Only you can decide that.
Personally, I think I’ll keep a little of my glitter to myself.
Some of that glitter got a bit grungy, after all.
And I’d like my kids to think I still shine.
Thanks for Reading!
Motherhood has a funny way of making us reflect on the people we were before our kids came along. Deciding how much of that story to share with them as they grow is something I think many of us are still figuring out.
I’d love to hear your thoughts.
How much of your past do you think parents should share with their kids as they get older?
Do you think honesty is always the best approach, or are there some stories that are better left untold?
Leave a comment below and let’s talk about it.
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Thanks so much for being here. 🤍
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