Mom Guilt and Clingy Kids: When You’re Completely Touched Out
My kids are stage 5 clingers.
God, I feel so mean when I say that.
But if you have one of those kids who needs to be physically touching you at all times, you probably already know exactly what I mean.
I hate complaining about how affectionate my kids are. I really do. Every time I try to express my frustration with being completely touched out, I feel like a bad mom. Or like people will interpret it as me not loving my kids.
That is not it. At all.
I’m absolutely crazy about my kids. They are smart and kind. They try hard at everything they do. They amaze me every single day.
They are also kind of obsessed with me.
Like, fight over who gets to sit next to me, constantly trying to touch me, wanting hugs and kisses every five minutes kind of obsessed with me.
And it’s lovely. It is.
It’s also really annoying.
For example, my 10-year-old son is the sweetest little boy. He always tries to remember to ask me how my day was when I get home from work. He tells me how much he enjoys dinner every time I cook, and he tries to help with his siblings all the time without being asked.
But he’ll also come up and ask me for hugs and kisses at completely inappropriate times.
Like while I’m eating, or doing dishes, or carrying laundry down the stairs.
“Mom, hug?”
“Kiss, Mom?”
“Love you, Mom. Hug?”
I’ve kindly and patiently explained to him that I love his hugs and kisses, but there are times when it isn’t a good “hug time.” When Mommy doesn’t really want a kiss.
Like, you know, when I’m actively putting food in my mouth.
I should also point out that they aren’t like this with anyone else. If anything, they’re very reserved with their affection toward other people. Even their grandparents have difficulty getting hugs from them, so it’s not that they’re just super affectionate kids in general.
It’s just with me.
My mother has said many times that she’s never seen kids as clingy as mine.
For a long time, I worried about these “behaviours.”
I worried they signalled insecurity in the kids. Or that I somehow wasn’t meeting their emotional needs, so they were constantly reaching out for connection with me.
I worried that my separation from their father had made them feel unsure and need constant reassurance that I love them — although this was happening before we split, so it’s likely not that.
I discussed it with my therapist several times as well. I wanted her thoughts and to know if there was something I should be doing differently to make them feel more secure.
But you know what she said?
She said the kids are totally fine.
My kids aren’t insecure. They are smart, outgoing, gregarious little creatures who jump headfirst into everything. They know how much I love them. How could they not?
I tell them and show them all the time.
I make a conscious effort to spend one-on-one time with them every single day. We have quiet “cuddle time” before bed where they know they can sit next to me, touch me, and have my undivided attention.
I put down my phone — or whatever else I’m busy doing — and really focus on them when I can tell what they want to say is important to them.
If I’m too busy to do something with them right away, I make sure they know when I will have time, and then I follow through on that commitment.
I always feel like I need to blame myself for things. I worry about being a bad mom, or that I’m failing them in some way. Always.
But I read something once that really stuck with me.
The truly bad moms?
They don’t worry about being bad moms.
So in the end, my kids just like me. Shrug. A lot.
And I love that. I know someday this phase will end and I’ll miss it terribly.
For now, I’ll take all the hugs and kisses I can get.
Except when I’m eating.
A girl gets hungry, after all.
Thank you so much for reading!
Do you have clingy kids too? Leave me a comment and let me know what you do that helps!
And if you liked this post, you might enjoy reading these ones too:
Before I Was Your Mom: How Much of Our Past Should Our Kids Know?
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