Postpartum Hierarchy of Needs: What Actually Matters in the Newborn Stage
Life with a newborn is… chaotic, to say the least.
Newborn babies somehow sleep all the time, and somehow also not at all.
Seriously. Ask any new parent and they’ll back me up.
During those rare, golden moments when your baby is actually asleep and you’re able to put them down, you’re faced with a question no one really prepares you for:
What should I do first?
Eat? Sleep? Shower? Stare into the void?
My brain has developed its own weird little system for prioritizing survival during this phase, and I’ve started calling it my:
Postpartum Hierarchy of Needs.
Maslow was onto something… but this version runs on caffeine, hormones, and 10-minute windows of opportunity.
So here’s a little peek into my postpartum brain.
Step 1: Keep the Baby Alive
Shockingly, this is the foundation of the pyramid.
Everything revolves around the baby right now. He is the tiny king of the castle.
So let’s assess:
Is the baby fed? Changed? Warm?
Sleeping soundly in his bassinet/crib/my bed (or honestly, wherever he’ll sleep)?
And—most importantly—likely to stay asleep for at least 10 minutes?
If yes, congratulations. You may proceed to the next level.
Step 2: Meet Your Basic Needs (Sleep, Eat, Survive)
Now we ask: what does mom need right now?
Have I eaten in the last several hours?
Do I need sleep?
Do I need to step outside and scream into the fresh air for a minute?
This stage is pure survival mode.
Whatever keeps you functioning—do that.
If you succeed, and the baby is still asleep (a true gamble), you may move up the pyramid.
Step 3: Shower and Put On Clean Clothes
Ah yes. The postpartum shower.
Rare. Mythical. Slightly suspicious in how elusive it is.
If the baby is still asleep, you’ve eaten, and you don’t immediately need a nap, this is your moment.
Get in the shower.
Because at this point, you probably smell like equal parts spoiled milk and emotional damage.
(which honestly inspired this shirt I made for fellow moms in the trenches 🤍)
And clean clothes? Non-negotiable.
Change everything. Even if it looks clean. It’s not. The baby has absolutely spit up on you somewhere.
If you emerge clean and your baby is still asleep?
You’ve officially unlocked a new level.
Step 4: A Few Minutes Without Being Touched
This stage looks different for everyone.
For me, it might mean loading the dishwasher, starting laundry, or doing a quick reset of a small part of the house.
Not because I have to—but because it helps my brain feel less like a browser with 47 tabs open.
For someone else, this might mean sitting in silence, scrolling, or just existing without a tiny human attached to your body.
Whatever gives you a small sense of reset—that’s the goal here.
Step 5: Do Something That Fills Your Cup
This is the very top of the postpartum pyramid.
If you’ve made it here and your baby is still asleep or content?
Go live your best 10-minute life.
Drink a hot coffee (while it’s still hot—this is critical).
Read a book.
Crochet.
Write a blog post (yes, that’s what I’m doing right now and I feel powerful).
Reconnect, even briefly, with the version of you that existed before the baby.
Why This Stage Feels So Hard (and Why That’s Normal)
Right now, this top layer is small for me.
I’m reading at an absolute snail’s pace.
I’m not writing as much as I want to.
And my Etsy store and YouTube channel are… quiet.
But that’s okay.
I’m showing up where I can.
As my baby grows and we find our rhythm, this part of the pyramid will expand. I’ll have more time, more space, and more energy to pour into things that are just for me.
The Reality of Newborn Life
My partner does everything he can to support me. He takes the baby when possible, does night shifts when I need rest, gives bottles so I can shower, and steps in when he knows I’m overwhelmed.
But my baby is only 3 weeks old.
He barely understands that he’s no longer part of my body.
So sometimes, only Mom will do.
And honestly?
That feels pretty special.
Those moments when he’s crying so hard his whole body shakes, and then I pick him up and he melts into me with instant relief…
Those are the moments that make everything else fade into the background.
Postpartum Is Survival Mode (And That’s Enough)
This pyramid?
It’s temporary. And a little tongue-in-cheek.
But it’s also very real.
This is what postpartum looks like right now.
Some days are about getting through.
Thriving comes later.
And that’s more than okay.
Before You Go… 🤍
If this post made you feel seen, you’re not alone in this season.
Postpartum can feel like survival mode one minute and something strangely beautiful the next. However your days are unfolding right now—messy, emotional, exhausting, meaningful—you’re doing an incredible job.
If you’re in the thick of it, I’d genuinely love to hear from you:
What does your postpartum hierarchy of needs look like right now?
Drop it in the comments—I read every single one.
🤍 Something for the Moms Who Get It
If this post hit a little too close to home…
I turned one of these moments into something a little more lighthearted:
New Mom Perfume: Spoiled Milk & Emotional Damage
Postpartum Hierarchy of Needs Shirt
Because sometimes you just have to laugh through it.
Keep Reading
If this resonated with you, you might also like:
- Why It’s So Hard to Maintain Your Hobbies Postpartum
- Nothing Fuels Postpartum Rage Like Being Dismissed
Freebie for Bookish Moms 📖
If you’re craving a tiny moment of “you time,” I created a free printable reading journal page you can use during nap time, night feeds, or whenever you get a quiet minute.
You can grab it here →
Join the Bookish Mama Community
I share honest motherhood moments, bookish content, and new product drops (like my reading journals and postpartum-friendly finds).
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If you have a friend in the newborn trenches, send this to her. Sometimes the best thing we can give each other is the reminder that we’re not the only ones Googling “why won’t my baby sleep” at 2am.
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