Nothing Fuels Postpartum Rage Like Being Dismissed
Well, if there is one thing that is going to enrage a postpartum, sleep-deprived mother, it’s a man dismissing her pain.
And oh boy, do I have rage at the moment.
This post is going to be a bit of a rant. It will also include medical stuff and boob stuff, so if that’s not your jam, you might want to move along.
So… story time.
In my post about combination feeding, I alluded to a medical issue with one of my breasts. I wasn’t planning to elaborate on that, but recent events have changed my mind.
So if you’ve ever wanted to learn a bunch of boobie medical facts about a stranger on the internet… read on.
A year ago, I developed a large lump in my right breast.
Scary, right?
It absolutely was.
I saw a doctor at the hospital I work at, and she was fairly convinced I had inflammatory breast cancer—which is an absolutely terrifying diagnosis, as it is often already Stage 3 or 4 by the time it’s found.
What followed was one of the most terrifying weeks I can remember, filled with mammograms, ultrasounds, and all the things.
Thank goodness, in the end, I do not have cancer.
As a nurse, though, that week was an eye-opening experience—one I will carry forward into my practice whenever I treat a woman with breast cancer.
My experience was obviously not the same, but I now have a much deeper understanding of the fear involved, and it will absolutely impact my compassion.
As it turned out, they never really figured out what the lump was. It responded to antibiotics, shrank down to about the size of a grape, and stopped being an issue.
I was told to keep an eye on it and call my doctor if it flared up again.
Fast forward to three weeks ago.
I was one week away from my scheduled induction, and lo and behold… the lump started growing again.
I had pain, swelling, and general discomfort. Knowing I was about to breastfeed a baby, I went straight to the ER.
Since I work there, it was a fairly straightforward process. I was given antibiotics again, since that worked before, and sent home.
The lump shrank. Baby came. All was well.
Until it wasn’t.
As I mentioned in my previous post, when my milk came in, everything went wrong.
I ended up back in the emergency room four days postpartum with completely intolerable pain on that side—and unable to feed my baby.
I had a bedside ultrasound and was finally formally diagnosed with a complex breast cyst.
Basically, it’s a collection of clotted blood, debris and infection all wrapped up in a nice little package.
It’s about the size of a lime and sits right behind my nipple.
And to make things extra fun, it’s attached to a milk duct—which explains why things got so bad when the milk showed up.
That day, I had the lovely experience of having a very large needle, guided by ultrasound, inserted into my breast to try to take a sample from the cyst.
Not exactly something I loved four days after pushing a human out of my body.
The ER doctor was wonderful. He made all the necessary calls and referred me to a breast specialist/surgeon, since cysts like this often need to be drained or surgically removed.
He also started me on antibiotics again and prescribed pain medication that was safe for baby.
The man was a gem.
The surgeon, however?
Was not.
We waited almost two weeks for the appointment, which honestly is quite quick—so no complaints there.
During that time, I pumped (excruciating), attempted to feed on that side (also excruciating), and waited patiently to finally get this resolved.
I bet you can see where this is going.
It is definitely NOT resolved.
Yesterday, my partner and I traveled almost two hours with our newborn to see this surgeon—for all of about two minutes.
He barely looked at my breast. He poked it once and said, “Well, it’s not infected right now, so I’m not going to do anything about it.”
And my favourite part?
When I told him it was impacting my ability to breastfeed and causing me intolerable pain, his response?
“Well, that’s just something you’ll have to deal with.”
ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?
Do you know the level of rage it causes in me to have a male surgeon dismiss my debilitating breast feeding pain as “just something I have to deal with?”
I could honestly explode.
So now I’m back home with a baby I can’t fully feed, no plan to fix my breast, and a limited supply of painkillers.
And yes—I will absolutely be getting a second opinion.
Here’s the frustrating part.
I actually understand his reasoning.
I am a medical professional. I understand that he is hesitant to operate when antibiotics are helping. A conservative surgeon is not a bad thing.
But the dismissal of the pain?
That is what enrages me.
And the lack of any plan to support my ability to breastfeed?
Also unacceptable.
Women’s pain has been dismissed in medicine for decades.
Ask any woman in your life about her experiences with doctors, and I guarantee she will have a story.
So if you are a healthcare provider—male or female—dismissing a woman’s pain is not good medicine.
Sending a breastfeeding mother away with nothing more than “try a hot compress” is not good medicine.
I am fortunate.
My career gives me access to medical professionals and the ability to advocate for myself (even if it didn’t help me yesterday… eye roll).
But not all women have that.
New moms especially are vulnerable.
They are experiencing things for the first time and often don’t know what is normal and what isn’t.
So don’t just be a good doctor.
Be a good human.
And help a mama out.
Rant over.
For now.
If this resonated with you, I want you to know—you’re not overreacting.
Feeling anger when you’re in pain and not being taken seriously, especially in the postpartum period, is not only valid—it’s expected. Being dismissed when you’re already vulnerable, exhausted, and trying to care for a newborn is an incredibly frustrating and isolating experience.
If you’ve had a similar experience—being brushed off, unheard, or told to just “deal with it”—I would really love to hear from you. Not because it should be normal, but because it happens more than it should.
You can leave a comment below and share your experience, or simply read and know you’re not alone in feeling this way.
If you want more honest conversations like this, you can join my email list. I share real postpartum experiences, things I’m learning as I go, and the parts of motherhood that don’t always get talked about.
And if you’re navigating this season too, you might also find these helpful:
- Why Is It So Hard to Maintain Your Hobbies Postpartum?
- Complicated Feelings When Combination Feeding
You deserved to be heard.
And you deserved proper care.
🤍
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